Changing the stories we tell ourselves about mid-life
- maggy
- Oct 3
- 6 min read
In my first post in this 3-part series on the mid-life transition, I wrote about what’s happening in our bodies, with our hormones. You can read that here. The third post, on supportive, research-based herbal remedies is here.
In this post, I am going to: share alternative views to our western perspective, looking at a deeper meaning and purpose; highlight the positives of this transition, the essentials even; and offer a holistic response to this time of life.
It’s my hope that these ideas will SHIFT your mind-set about this journey, yourself, and what this time of life can mean for you.
It's a process
If you read my first post, you’ll know that I settled on referring to this time as the mid-life transition. I chose this because it’s a process. However it uniquely presents for you, it’s a time that coincides with perimenopause, menopause, and post-menopause, and all the myriad changes. I am in post menopause now. Wherever you are in your transition, I want you to know, I get you. I see you.
Let’s start with where we are.
Our western view of the mid-life transition
As a therapist, I believe the stories we tell ourselves are powerful. They deeply influence our identities, expectations, and how we experience ourselves, others, and our world. Often, these stories are shaped by our larger cultural narratives. And the mid-life (menopausal) transition is no exception.
We have created (or been given) a very narrow view of menopause in western culture. Basically, we’ve pathologized it. Our shared story is one of declining. Declining wellness, beauty, purpose, relevance, and more. It’s also a story of fighting or enduring this time of life. Of diagnosis and treatment.
When we take these views, I believe we make it so much harder. And, worse, we miss the meaning, the purpose, the potential, the call. So, I want to re-author these stories. To develop alternative, preferred narratives that are richer, and so much more helpful and hopeful. To do this, I’m going to combine modern science and time-tested wisdom with my personal experience and professional knowledge.
Alternative stories
The science from development psychology - a portal
Developmental psychology is the scientific study of how and why humans grow, change, and adapt across the lifespan. From this vantage, we can see the journey of the mid-life transition as a developmental stage. Meaning, a distinct phase in our life when significant (and necessary) physical, mental, social, emotional, and spiritual changes occur. Where we encounter challenges and are meant to acquire new skills and ways of being. It’s a portal to a new stage of life.
The wisdom from eastern medicine - a "second spring"
It takes a lot of energy for our bodies to have a monthly cycle. Physiologically, then, menopause conserves our energy. In eastern medicine, it is said that we stop losing blood, so we can start using it in a different way. How beautiful is that.
At this time, our body starts to conserve vital energy (qi) and blood. This energy, previously used in the uterus to support fertility, is now available to move upward. It is redirected to our heart, where our spirit, consciousness, and wisdom (Shen) reside. This stage is seen as a “second spring” of renewed energy and opportunities for self-discovery and inner wisdom.
Before we can experience this second spring, though, we must first go through fall and winter. Fall is always about letting go of the non-essentials. Winter is a time of deep quiet within. When we emerge, we’re transformed, we have become more fully and authentically ourselves.
The ideas from personal experience - symptoms as messengers
In my own personal experience, I was being called to heal my relationships with my body and self. I was being shown (through my symptoms, moods, desires, and resistances), what wasn’t wanted, needed, or working for me anymore (if ever).
I think our bodies and beings are leading us toward our highest self. If not now, then when? The more we ignore their messages, the louder they will become. When we deny them, or try to “get back to normal”, we miss this call. Regardless, we aren’t going back.
When we pause, listen, and carefully interpret the messages, we learn how to heal what is unhealed and move beyond. There is something waiting on the other side.
The re-authoring - and creating your own story
From developmental psychology, eastern medicine, and our own personal experiences, new stories emerge about this time of life. If we let them. Words could include; challenge, change, spirit, consciousness, renewal, self-discovery, wisdom.
What might you find if you were to re-author your own personal mid-life transition story?
Is there really anything positive about this time of life?
Rewriting your mid-life transition story can feel empowering, positive. You’re now (hopefully) in possession of a clearer purpose for this journey most of us don’t really want to take. But it isn’t meant to sugar-coat or negate the reality. This time of life can be hard. Very hard.
We are changing. In every way. It can feel like a falling apart. We often try to resist change. Many things we’ve believed or even treasured will have to be let go. It’s scary and unknown. But it will come. One way or another. The potential for a meaningful outcome doesn’t make this any easier to go through.
When we understand the process and purpose of this time of life, and keep faith with it, things start to release, evolve, and emerge. Amidst the many losses and letting gos, space is made for the new.
Following his mid-life “crisis” (and before the best work of his life), Carl Jung wrote:
If we move through this time, and let it teach us it’s lessons, we can become everything we’re capable of being. The choices we make are profoundly consequential. They have ultimate significance for the rest of our lives. We’re meant to determine our purpose, our calling, what we’re here for.
A holistic perspective and response to the transition
This time is about becoming whole.
It’s a personal journey toward self-awareness
and integration of all our parts.
mind -
At the beginning of this post, I expressed hope that you might experience SHIFTS in your mind-set about mid-life, yourself, and what this time can mean for you. According to Joe Dispenza, changing our mind-set is crucial for personal transformation. Our thoughts create a familiar “self” that locks us into patterns of being. These thoughts are often rooted in our culture. Think of the stories we’ve learned about the mid-life transition. Are they true, helpful, inspiring? Only when we intentionally shift our mind-sets, can we break free from the repetitive, negative cycles and go on to create a new vision (and a new reality) for ourselves.
body -
Our minds are just one part of our wholeness. We live in a body. She is changing, for sure. But really, she has always been changing. Each month during our reproductive years, she went through cycles. The better we understood what she needed in each part of each cycle, the better we coped. She is asking us to learn what she needs now. I believe our first response is to GROUND our body. By this I mean, to balance our nervous system. From a place of calm, our body can find as much equilibrium as possible through the changes, and we can hear her needs more clearly.
spirit -
“We are spiritual beings having a human experience” (philosopher, Pierre Teilhard de Chardin). During mid-life this quote may be profoundly resonant. Many of us find our dreams become more vivid. We may also notice more synchronicities (what I call “nudges”). Both can guide us toward our highest purpose and show us how to live as our most ELEVATED spiritual selves. This is the third part of our wholeness. Dreams and nudges carry the wisdom of our deepest self – the part of us that knows what we need before we do. Keep watch for them and explore them. I keep a “nudge list”. When I experience things that feel significant or seemingly coincidental, I write them down so I can take time to reflect on them and what they might be telling me.
This is a liminal time in life when we hover between who we were and who we may become. Be gentle with yourself.
To dive deeper
Check out these resources:
Hagitude: Reimagining the Second Half of Life. Sharon Blackie.
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